Honesty is good but …

September 2, 2009

Post filed in Tao of Leadership, Tao of Living - With keywords honesty, integrity, point of view

In the course of my daily interactions with people, I am keenly aware of the difference between Reality (or my version of it) and Perception (other people’s versions). So naturally I am wary when hearing people interchangeably use words or phrases with slightly different meanings. One example that I have written about in the past is the notion of Lean = Efficient = Optimized. Another one that I came across recently is Honesty = Integrity.

In my previous post On Integrity, I have stated that Honesty is not Integrity. That statement has brought a few protests. One pointed out that even the dictionary I referred to defines Integrity as Honestness, Honesty (last entry - from WordNet 3.0 © 2003-2008 Princeton University). So let me clarify a litlle bit more.

While I believe that a person of Integrity is by and large a honest person, Honesty (or at least the most commonly understood version of it) doesn’t do justice to the notion of Integrity.

Why?

Because Honesty alone is a limiting Value. Being honest starts first with being aware of oneself. Yet how many of you could confidently say (and honestly believe) that what you convey to others is the Truth (the pure, unvarnished Truth) and not your own Perception of the truth because of some inner mental model that you are not even consciously aware of?

Because Honesty without a certain level of Emotional Intelligence quotient (EQ) could be hurtful or harmful. In Quality of Life Therapy, a book about "Applying a Life Satisfaction Approach to Positive Psychology and Cognitive Therapy", this notion of high-EQ Honesty is defined as:

"The Emotional Honesty principle is defined as a deep awareness of and honesty with oneself about what is wrong in a relationship (…) and, when deciding to share concerns (…) to express concerns in a honest, but considerate, compassionate and respectful way that preserves the relationship as much as possible."

It talked about Honesty in a personal relationship, but we can extrapolate the principle to all types of relationships.

Let me guide you now through an excerpt from a wonderful book about Leadership by James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner, The Leadership Challenge, which is now in its 4th Edition (2007). This particular section is about "Clarify Values" and it describes the qualities of most admired leaders. There is no mention whatsoever of the word Integrity.

"Name an historical leader whom you greatly admire—a well-known leader from the distant or recent past whom you could imagine following willingly.

Who is that leader? In our research we’ve asked thousands of people to do this. Although no single leader receives a majority of the nominations, in the United States the two most frequently mentioned are Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr. (…)

What do leaders such as these have in common? Among these most admired leaders, one quality stands out above all else. The most striking similarity we’ve found—and surely it’s evident to you—is that the list is populated by people with strong beliefs about matters of principle. They all have, or had, unwavering commitment to a clear set of values. They all are, or were, passionate about their causes. The lesson from this simple exercise is unmistakable. People admire most those who believe strongly in something, and who are willing to stand up for their beliefs. If anyone is ever to become a leader whom others would willingly follow, one certain prerequisite is that they must be someone of principle. Famous figures from history, of course, aren’t the only leaders with strong beliefs on matters of principle. All exemplary leaders share this quality no matter what status they may have achieved. It could be a leader in your local community, one down the hall from you, one next door—and also you. The personal-best leadership cases we’ve collected are, at their core, the stories of individuals who remained true to deeply held values…" [Note: some phrases are colored by me for emphasis].

But do you see the connection? "Unwavering commitment to …": is that the same as "steadfast adhenrence to …"? "Stand up to their beliefs": is that similar to "Moral courage"? "Remained true to ...": is that another way to say "being whole"? You bet.

The authors do conclude a little bit farther:

"To act with integrity, you must first know who you are. You must know what you stand for, what you believe in, and what you care most about."

Back to Honesty.

It is certainly one of the "deeply held values". But what do people expect from a honest person? Truthfulness and Sincerity. Just the facts. There is no need for internal struggle between right and wrong. There is no need to examine the consequences of "telling the truth" or "calling a spade a spade". That’s the stuff of making choices based on moral soundness, of Emotional Honesty, and of Integrity.

What do you think?